Self- Realisation....

Please read the entry below before reading this... or else it will not make any sense...


Decided to carry on on another entry... because i think it will be rather lengthy...

Anyway... as i was saying... through this talk with this particular person... i suddenly realised something about me.... i have changed.....

I have changed.... so much... from my previous self..... this is no longer the me that i used to be...

For those confused... i shall share what my soul searching has revealed....

I have changed into a rather stingy and self centered person.... i don't really know how this came about... but i think this has been the root of alot of problems for me...

1 very important principle that i forgot myself, is this.. " If you want to help, expect nothing back."
I have always applied this principle when i am doing charitable work... because it is during this times that you truly help, for nothing back... it was whole heartedly from my heart to help out...
But i forgot to apply this to my friends.... i mean... although my friends are not handicapped or lying in the sick bed, they are still fellow humans.... they are my friends... and if i care to do that much for the less fortunate, shouldn't i do the same for my friends?

I'm rather sick of the me now... stingy... expecting favours....

I guess what led to that thought about the car issue... is the different forms of treatment i received for giving lifts.... because there had been people who were so kind back to me... i seem to have taken that for granted... and thought that everyone should do the same....

No... this is wrong....

Helping people.... should always be from the heart.... and i guess my over indulgence in the various issues... has blinded this principle of mine.... it's bad... really bad....

I should open up my heart.... grace the friends around me... open up my thoughts.... only then will i find inner peace with myself....
People can expect things from me, but i should never expect stuffs from those around me....

Right now.. i seem to be at war with myself....

But after this soul searching... i realised.... i did say mean things about my friends.... be they true or not... they are still mean....
I wrote words that are covered by my sins... it's not what i should have done...

For that... i apologize for all those who are affected.... all the way from my very first entry.... over this few years....
(But some comments still stay.... but i shall not say which.... because i shall be gracious to all....)

Having done that.... i think i am feeling much happier with myself now... for i have found my inner peace....
I shall change... i will no longer be the bad me.... i want to become the true good me....

It's surprising... how... when you meet the right people at the right time... they suddenly help you open a path to self actualisation....
I guess that's how people became god.... ^_^

Anyway... to my friends.... i shall forget about all the past feuds and problems.... Now... is a new beginning for me.... it's time....
The light is shinning on me now.....

Thanks to the guy....