Some thoughts.....

Hmm... just read a friend's blog... think it is becoming my habit to read other blogs first before writing my own... so that i roughly know what to write......

Well..... first and foremost.. maybe i will described what happened last night.... i went out to meet the casualty upon his request....
I readily agreed.... although i got to work today.... still went out to meet him at 2230....
Oh yar... before that... i was like so bombarded by SMS.... by Wee Keat( ask me help him print a photo of a girl... -_-")... my Tu-er(descibe the formation of the "E" family)... and the casualty... while playing Generals.... like not busy!!!!
There i was trying to keep myself alive... because my stupid allies die liao... then got alot of SMS keep bothering me.... but i still won... ^_^

Anyway... cycled to meet him at Bedok interchange there.... he treated me to a bottle of alcohol... and we talked things out with alcohol.... just drinking and talking.... ( i drank hooch... 4.8% alcohol... the casualty drank 5% one.... -_-")
Honestly... i understood and share his feelings.... i know what it feels like... had that feeling before.... that's why i am willing to talk to him about it....

Come to think of it... when i had that same feeling... i didn't talk much to anyone about it... i force it out of myself.... with my will power... determination... because i didn't want to be so affected by this type of feeling..... it sucks...

We had some really open-hearted, confessing and honest talk.... share feelings....sorrows... whatever.... and later... i helped him to move on by cheering and making resolutions by the alcohol....

Oh well... then he wrote out his true feeling in his blog... and hmm.... well... i also realised this thing that i have always been doing....

I always do the "right" things.... but not the things i want.... it kinda reminds me how i like my "face","reputation"... ego.... so much that i just want to do the right things.... and backing out is one of the thing i do most... i can openly admit this....
I always do this right thing... backing out... becasue i don't want to be the third party in any way... maybe that wasn't a daring move... maybe it's a timid move... but i guess it's just me to do so.... i dono why.... guess i didn't want the same thing to happen to me too... and that's why i do it first.....

This casualty... in a way... he was a more daring perosn then i am.. he readily showed his affections..... and i guess he really suffered from some form of trauma since the truth came to light....
The only advice i could give him.. as a man....is to move on...
But i'm sure deep down... somethimes it is really hard to let go.... but haiz.... that's life man.... it just keeps going... and if you don't catch up... you will only be left behind....

Guess i can do another honest thing here.... maybe some fo you are wondering how come i have stayed single for so long....
The answer is simple... something which the casucalty pointed out to me.... something which i too realised about myself....

I am afraid of rejection.....

That's why i always say things like "Leave it to fate".... "Let nature runs it's own course"... because i just want to believe in such things... so that when the right one comes along... i can just hope on... and not be rejected....

"Once bitten, twice shy".... this can be used for my account.... i really hated the feeling....

Haiz.... sometimes... i really "wen shi jian jing wei he wu"..... can there be some form of medication that will just relieve me of my feelings... and let me really take nature's course?
Just some extreme thoughts.....

Anyway... I was accompanying him to the bus stop... when i noticed a folded up $2 note on the floor... and upon inspection.. found that it is 2 $2 notes.... $4!!!!
I wanted the casualty to take for treating me alcohol.. but he dont' want... so in the end... went to 7-11 to donate it to the Tsunami victims... do some good deed.... then maybe his love life can improve.... ^_^